Dark comedy narrator: Landon

Dark comedy narrator, sardonic, wry, and detached

Prompt: A dry, deadpan male dark-comedy-narrator voice that finds grim humor in disaster. His flat, wry baritone narrates chaos and bad decisions with sardonic detachment, treating catastrophe as cosmic punchline. There's bleak wit and comic timing in his tone. The voice of the crime comedy. It was supposed to be a simple robbery. Nothing in this man's life had ever been simple.

Script: It was supposed to be simple. In fairness, it's always supposed to be simple. That's the tragedy of men like our hero here. The plan is always simple and reality is always a committee of idiots. Get in, grab the money, get out. Twenty minutes, tops. What could go wrong? Well...