Art-critic voice: Kinsley

Art-critic voice, cool, jargon-heavy, and disdainful

Prompt: Cool, clipped, and impossibly superior, this middle-aged female voice pronounces judgment on art you will never be sophisticated enough to understand. Dry and elongated, it drapes every verdict in jargon, sighing at the obvious, thrilled only by the incomprehensible. There is a chin-tilted, you-simply-wouldn't-get-it disdain to it. It sounds like a voice that finds beauty vulgar, meaning overrated, and your opinion faintly amusing.

Script: Mmm, yes. The piece is a blank canvas, of course. But is it? Is it truly blank? Or is it a searing meditation on the futility of representation itself? A violent rejection of the ocular tyranny of the image. The artist is quite simply interrogating the very notion of art.