Nasal voice: Alex

Nasal voice, honking, congested, and adenoidal

Prompt: You're hearing a voice pressed entirely through the nose—pinched, honking, and congested, as if permanently holding its own nostrils shut. Vowels come out flat and buzzing, the tone whiny and adenoidal, every word carrying a comic nasal drone. There's a put-upon, unimpressed quality to it, like a bored clerk announcing bad news. Deeply, comically stuffed-up, it turns even a compliment into a complaint.

Script: Yeah, hi, welcome to the complaints department, how can I ruin your day? Mm-hmm. No, we don't do refunds. No, I don't know who told you that. Look, I'd love to help you, I really would, but I am physically incapable of caring and also my nose has been like this since 1997. Next in line, please.